16122013

First blog of the months

There been a long time I didn't have times to writ my blog. 

I really miss the moment I could spend sometimes to think and reflect what I'm doing.

Actually I'm not that busy as what my friend think of. I still have times for catching up the Hong Kong movie I like - on call 36 (2) and my盛lady. With the time spending in the movie and sleeping, I found my life wasted as much as possible. Recently thinking of what my pastor faced and I did pray for him. I found that I'm lost touch with God for sometimes. I had missed some of my time for nothing instead of praying and caring. 

God, I want to back to life that in worship, reading God's word and love the people around me. 

Today, I rest my mind with some song by putting on my mp3 while I'm resting at the sofa. I'm napping with my mind on with ongoing new praise and worship song from hill song. One of the song impressed me was "back to life". When I listen to this song, I awake totally and get up to search for the lyric. The lyrics was as below 

Today actually I'm not planning to go for the special pastor kong hee service at chc Penang. Don't know why the cg leader - peter suddenly fb message me that tonight am I joining the service. I told myself that I'm not going to join the service as I'm embarrassing after the service that I brought too many of them visiting the church without informing their pastor. 

But tonight, I'm totally back to life and back to God once again. I enjoy the praise and worship, I enjoy the words time and the best was I'm enjoying the presence of God. 

I got take notes of the sermon. It was as below

I'm pointed, I'm anointed and I'm at the top of the mountain. God, thanks for not forsaken me when every time I'm nearly getting far from you. 

God, I know what's anointing for. I'm not going to waste my life for nothing. Anointing was given for an assignment. God, I know the assignment has been given, although previously I'm not clear the instruction that given for the assignment. But as the Holy Spirit was my facilitator that I could always connected with and ask for leading and wisdom to carry out the assignment that given by my coordinator (God-father). God, I'm now back to life again and I think I will work harder to be anointed for your purpose and shine in this worlds. Praise Lord. 

24112013

Today was the first time of my life get up so early for my assignment. 2am in the morning waked up by my two alarms set on the day before as I'm really scare that I couldn't finish my assignment on time. 

Washed my face, get a cold drink to wake me up totally for ASSIGNMENT!!! 

I'm regret that why I can't get to do it before that. I never want to have this again in my life. First and also last time in my life, I begged. This sleepy feeling was killing me. 

Around 4am something my mother awake and saw I'm awake for my homework, she get shocked as well but she really a good mother. She knew I'm hungry and she make a cup go milo for me and take some breads for me as well. I'm touched. 

I told myself, I should be more hardworking as for a return for my parent. God, Please bless me with your wisdom and strength. Thanks.

Finally, I still can't finish my assignment before I need to prepare to go church. As today I'm serving as keyboardist, I can't afford to be late once again as I had promised God and myself as well. 

After reach church I'm still worried about my clinical log. Thanks God, praise and worship practice end quite early, I'm continue with my assignment with using Angeline's PC at church. Five minutes before I stop doing it and have my breakfast. My mom served me with two half boiled egg. So warm, I love my parent so much. 

I told myself after this assignment, at night I want to accompany my mom for shopping and sent my dad for dinner as well. I want to accompany them as much as possible. Feel sorry to them as I'm not spending much time to accompany them on Sunday. 

After praise and worship, I continue my assignment while bro. Alan was preaching. I know that's was not right to do it, but I'm rushing for that. I'm sorry to him and my God. 

Although that was not right, but God still help me to make my assignment finished on time. Praise Lord. After service, I'm helping my cell group in washing the cups as this Sunday was my cell group serving due. 

After that, I'm lost, all of them busy and rushing for lunch as they got Christmas presentation practice and I got do nothing for Christmas. Haiz. Once again I feel I'm lost. 

While waiting my parent, I'm sitting at the office and starring on the monitors of Angeline's PC. 

I snapped this picture. 

I'm damn damn bored. Lazy to start on another assignment as I'm physically tired but mentally I'm empty. 

The first thing I did while reached home, eat than sleep. 

Ever ing, after ready myself I sent my dad for dinner at Penang and I accompany my mom for shopping. Actually my mom wish I can buy a shoe for working to protect my leg. 

Before shopping, we should get our dinner first. Since now was November, I get the sushi king member on the spot and dine in with my mom.

That's long time I'm not step in sushi king with my family. I miss my sister as well. ;)

Today I had spend RM 359 for my shoe. My mom wish to buy me this, but I insist to buy it myself. She knew I'm quite tight for this months, but i don't want my parents to buy me anything as I'm working adult, I'm not suppose to burden them and I suppose to feed them as return right? God, my another aim was earn as much as possible to buy them some thing that they need. 

22112013

Today actually I want to visit my friend's mother at general hospital. 

Quite pity her with what she has faced recently. But with the busy working hours has drags till the end of the visiting hours. She refuse to have dinner with us as she scare that we will treat her for dinner once again. Haiz... Actually I just want to give her a hug as a friend. 

I'm damn hungry actually, but my two other friends may wish to have some light dinner. 

So end up we have our light dinner at "Gloria Jeans coffee". Actually quite expansive place, I really wish to escape from that, but two of them was my BFF, since they we ware paying together, so I'm embarrassed to have the money back. God, please bless me.

They were not having spaghetti, I'm the one having dinner there. They just have drinks and pie only. Actually I'm quite tired, and I'm worried about my clinical log as the day after I could not have time to complete it. I want to go home. 

By the time I reached home, I'm exhausted. Can't even finished reading a sentence my eyes close itself. God, please give me time and wisdom to finish that.

21112013

Today is the day that my mum and I was off. Last night my BFF Wendy Tan came my house for assignment, but end up we had our quiz done, but we could not finish our clinical log on time. Was late midnight near 1am. We end the discussion as previously we had spent much time in chit chatting regarding the happening during working hours. 

Thanks God that blessed me with such BFF that could share my happiness and sadness together. Thanks God. 

Early morning, I'm damn lazy to wake for breakfast, but last night I had told my parent to accompany them for "yam cha"~ ing. I had promised, how badly I miss my bed I still could not lay on "him" again.

 

I like this picture so much. ... ;)

11112013

Early in the morning I still awake for the movie on call 36 I, to reflect back regarding the relationship among the actor and the storyline before the second series. Omg. It break my promise for myself regarding I would like to sleep early as I need to have a normal healthy life for God. God, I have violate it again. Forgive me.

Well, today I'm waking up as my cousin Jwei SMS date me for lunch. Hmm... Honestly I'm very lazy for doing anything for today. But, my dad definitely will ask me for lunch as well, so I better wake up and get ready for it. 

Finally we had our lunch at Butterworth chai leng park. The famous chicken rice would be our lunch for today. After lunch, my dad was going to Raja Uda for some reason. We went to the cafe that I planned last night LP MTB station. There would be a nice place to enjoy coffee like Starbucks. 

The concept of the cafe was nice and special. This mostly would be a good place for coffee and cycling lover to gather and chatting. 

Honestly I love this place and the concept. About the coffee, I like the drawing, design on the coffee, I love the coffee maker machine, but I dislike the coffee taste. Is too sweet for me as I'm not even put a sugar in my coffee (cappuccino). 

Hot Cappuccino. RM 7.90 

Hot hazenut RM 7.90 as well. 

Maybe I'm not hazenut lover, I don't think is smell good to me. :)

Concept of cycling and all the decoration is about love pedaling and their event. Feel good and special for this cafe. This is what I think to look for in my future. 

The picture all behind me.... Wow... Although I don't know them, but is a special place for us to know about them and their passion on cycling. 

Finally I reach home, there would be 15mins before 5pm. Oh my goodness, I had not start on my assignment for the day. By the way, I'm planning for hiking with jogging at Bukit D.O. that's recommended by Nicole. 

My cousin know the place and we get there around 5 something. There are such a nice place for the elders to gather as well. Many uncle and Aunty get there exercising and chit chatting. They are friendly. I love this feeling. I love them as well. I will get back here very often, maybe one day I could know them and bring them to Christ? Who's know? :) 

When I plan to go my car to take my hand phone to get some picture there, the weather turns bad. Thanks God, it started to rain while we get in my car. Praise Lord. He knew me well and planned for me before I pray for. Wow....

Can see the cloud? Just like three mountain and there are a bridge... 

Looks nice.... I love the creation of God very much. ;)

13112013

I think I had addicted to this movie so much. From revising the previous series of this movie, I had learn and impressed me such a way that I could really love my patient more and more. 

While I'm lying on my bed, thinking something that happened while working, I miss my patient. Eventhough just now I'm attending the prayer meeting at church, I think of one of my patient while I take care him in a critical period. Reflect back what I had done, what I had been doing in this few years, I'm just nothing if without purpose. I love them, so I care of them. Now my aim all around was I wanna go for working holiday, but when I pray for the people in Philippine, I sudden think of my parents. How could I let them worry about me while I'm in out station. I know that my dad definitely will miss me if I'm in out station. In another hand, I wish I could have go for my dream as well. What and how should I pray for? 

I really hope my life can back to healthy and normal as usual people. But with my weird working time and hours, I think just like the doctors in this movie, I'm oncall anytime. This early morning I get a call from hospital, I thought they just called me once, but while I checked on my phone in the evening, they had call me three times. I think urgently I need to call back and like what I guess they was asking me to back to work on this day. 

Honestly I hate unplanned thing happen in my life, but life is full of surprise and I can't predict what can be happened next. Just like what I face everyday in my working life, I need to accept a child has diagnose brain tumour, a child died in front of me, a child collapse.... Many thing else. 

I always think that how could I react if one day my parent or family died in front of me? Can I mange to handle it? I'm not scare of dying actually, I know where I going to go while I'm dead, but if for my family and parents, I think I will miss them. I know I could meet them one day I back to my Heavenly Father, just that I can't mange the feeling of losing someone I love most. 

God, I know you loved me. Every time I sing praise that I love you as you has love me before, I will get touch and tears. I know how much blessing you have done in my life. My parents was the greatest gift that you blessed me. They really love me so much. They served can care of me like an angel around me. Sometimes I really think that their love is more than enough for me, so how about my Heavenly Father? He even sacrificed more, right? 

Haiz... What I can do for now? What I suppose to do? Can anyone tell me? I always think of what I'm doing right now is not good enough. I can do better than this. I can love my parent and my God more and more. God, please help me to do so and I will always love you and worship you with all my life. Thanks God. 

09112013

After vision camp I had busy for whole week non-stop. For my assignment, my work, my patient... Omg.... 

Really thanks God for everything that he planned for me. Although the things happen for us seem was bad, but finally I get to learn to obey and I earned experience. Praise Lord, really appreciate his planning in my life. 

I got dream, I got passion, I got love... I have everything that I need.... As I'm living with the presence of God's purpose in my life, I got hope. 

Recently I really have mosquito very badly. My leg was the worse part of my body. Itchy+++ 

Besides, the worse thing is my patient. He diagnoses as dengue hemorrhagic fever. Pity boy... Need suffer a lot. I suffered with him as well as every hour I need to disturb him and his condition was very bad when I been called in to work purposely for him. Omg... But God, I know because of it, I gain more experience to nurse a dengue patient. The doctor was so kind enough to teach me how to manage, that's the time I really appreciate the planning on me when seem everything looks bad. My boss was appreciate that I'm taking this challenge to care for him and sacrifice my sleeping time for him as well. 

Thanks God for everything. Praise Lord.... Tomorrow thanks God again that I could focus on praise and worshipping as a member. Waiting.. Excited +++

04112013 post vision camp syndrome

In this camp, I learned two song. Name -让我

I don't know why while singing this song, my heart keep beating... I can't really sing much, my tears keep dropping and knowing that I'm filled with Holy Spirit and I want to move forward because of him. 

祢用重價救贖我，使我脫離罪惡河
叫我這不配的人，憑信得救
你賜聖靈幫助我，使我勝過老舊我
祈求恩主領我，邁向屬靈高峰

讓我讚美非僅美詞，讓我敬拜非僅方式
讓我服事非靠雙手，而禱告非僅用口
讓我愛人不要虛假，讓我待人由心而發
讓我學習順服，以聖潔為裝飾

I think the most thing I learned is to obey and serve with my heart. Don't know since when my heart has been cooling down in serving God. I know that I'm the person may step backward anytime when I'm not keep moving on. One of the criteria I asked God for a man that who may move forward with me in faith, serving, and my life should not move backward as I'm along with him. 

While keep singing this song, I know that I have nothing to worry about. God's grace is sufficient for me, I should be trying my best to work hard for what I can for his kingdom. Amen. 

My job would be, pray hard, serve, love, care and learn to obey and do whatever I can to be more like Jesus. I'm a follower of Jesus, I should crazy for him alone. 

01112013 Vision camp

Today is the best relax day for me as I'm away from my degree homework, my usual friends, my colleague, my family.... Mixing around with the youth of the church. At first I think that I could have long time didn't join them for fun. They are really energetic as what I'm doing when I'm in their age. 

At the van, we all were busy in our devices that we have. 

Yi Heng- sleeping with the ear phone on.

Yong Qi- with her phone on

Serena Mars-same with her phone.

Daphne and me- with our iPad on. 

Zi Cheng- with Dvid new HTC phone on. 

Dvid is the one driving us to the destination. 

I'm the elders in this van, thanks God, Jing Ming bro. With us on this early trip. 

 

After checking in, we was staying at the room for some hours waiting for the sun to be more soothing. 

While waiting, I'm playing the 非常完美 so that we could have something to do while waiting. But, after few hours, we get bored with the programme. All back to the devices again.... As 低头族， I'm not use to it. Btw, I'm just fail to get them up for something that can bring them lively. 

This was the place we stay. Suria Appartment. 

Address: Jalan Bukit Merah, Bukit Merah, Taiping.

I enjoyed blogging at this relaxed place. It make me reflect back while I'm relaxing in Pulau Perhentian. I wish I could have a trip again to any of the island. I want..... I wish.... My dream.... 

28102013-31102013

This four days were the best and heaviest day that I learned how to examine my patient from head to toe. This was one of the best reason I get the degree courses. God, I had met one of my dream that I could learn to know how a doctor examine the patient and know how to examine my patient from head to toe. Thanks God. 

This is my modal.... Yahoo.....

I looks fat in this picture... Omg.... I wanna slim down for the next aim.... 

27102013

Today is the worse day I ever had. I'm late for my praise and worship practice. I feel wanna die while the first thing I awake and look at the clock is at 8.15am. 

My heart may need to stop at that moment. Omg....

While I'm rushing to go church, I'm really panic. My friend also panic on behalf of me. 

I'm stunning and don't know what to do at the first place. 

When I called stephanie, I can't get her. The next step I called wendy to tell her I'm gonna be late as I'm overslept. I'm really regret as last night I'm going to my friends farewell party for late night. I thought I can get my alarm and also my friend will wake me up as they are going to work in the early morning. But, it seem both never works well. I'm late......

Guilty +++ I'm crying like hell while having the holy communion. Pastor want us to pray for each other two by two. While wendy pray for me, I'm crying more worse, in that moment I really sorry to her, I can't even pray for her. 

When I left the stage, Angeline saw me. She give me a hug and I feel better and thanks to her. 

What a such day I have..... Bad memory and dream. 

21102013

Today when I watched the 非常完美 this programme, I heard the emotional guest 杨冰阳 told the girl who fail to get the hearts of the guy that she confess a statement. 

"女生要选那些喜欢你的人里面的最好的，而不是选你最喜欢的。只有这样你才能够获得一份安稳的幸福， 否则就算你获得了爱情，你也不一定能够获得婚姻。”

Actually is right too.... The emotional guest is really pretty and nice. I admire her....

Another guy I think he is attractive...

When he confess... Wow.... Attractive man...

19102013

AtToday is BLS day. My basic life support day. Haiz... I think I'm fail. Finally... But I did learn something. I think I'm able to pass my pals training than as I'm practicing while in this training. 

Today, basically I got some planning. I plan to have lunch with my colleague, but end up I need to buy my lunch -favor laksa with pasembur and for my parents as well... I'm damn hungry while driving back home.... Omg.... This feeling is really really bad... Like hungry ghost. 

Attending my cousin wedding at cititel hotel. First time my dad getting late cause of me. I wish to have a nap before go. 

Not bad for this wedding place.... Hihi... Yes. Western style... Do not have the singer from the floor is what I wish. Thanks God, my ear was feeling good. 

Finally the wedding was over. 

While waiting the dinner be over, I'm thinking of the programme "非常完美” again. 

She stated about the movie "那些年我们一起追过的女孩” . She mentioned about the main character 沈佳宜 told the guy that although we are same age, but most girl will be more mature than the guy. Although the relationship between will be very sweet, but the end of the story the girl also had choose to married another guy. That's the reason of it. Wow.... This statement impressed me. 

非常完美

This is my first time watch this programme. While doing night shift, all my colleague was discussing the people that joined the programme just I'm alone with no idea about this. I'm really outdated.

After that when reach home, I had downloaded many of it and waiting for some free time to have a quick look what is all about. 

Today I had start my first episode of the programme. I'm not really sure is that the first episode, but I enjoyed watching that with tears keep dropping. My first time feeling of heartbreak for the girl who confess her love to the guy but both been rejected by the guy. They are pretty, but get rejected as well... 

This girl really amazing, she dare confess in public. Thumbs up. Not every man can do that too. :)

I can feel the disappointment from this girl. Haiz... Hope her can let go... Love him, so must let him be with who he loved most, right? Hope the guy won't regret. :)

But I do proud of them as I'm really not dare to tell my love one that I love him. I'm really regret as i had miss the chance to confess and tell the truth feeling to someone I love. One thing I hope was for those I love, he could have a girl could love him and he loved her as well. I really wish that my loved guy was not forces to accept me as he hope not to hurt me.

Previously when I plan to study the counseling, I really hope I could have knowledge and good experience to help those in hurts standing up and enjoy a great future, but now I'm not healthy enough to counseling them. I didn't have a good example as what I am thinking. God, you fixed me please...

12102013

Today early morning I had done some crazy thing in my unit.

Jus thinking to do so.... I'm just like crazy... Party... That's me... Forever can't even change...

God, I promise I will take good care of my self, my body, my heart, my soul... Sometimes I really get confuse as I'm really not sure is that I'm missing the moment or the people. But I guess, I'm really regreted for what it been happened. So, for now onward, I hope I'm not doing anything that I would regret in my future.

Be what I should be, no matter how, God is with me. 

Caring, you are my everything. I know where is my stage, where is my profession, and which style I should carry on. 

Some people I do miss them, but I can't get to them anymore. 

I like this verse... Bent sadly... When I read at it... It bring down my mood... 

I just may leave it, pray and blessed them with all my heart and with what I can do to them in future to help and build them. This is what I pray God, I do not need to side by side with them, I can pray, I can help in a different way. God, you know my hearts, my feeling and my thought, you know me the best. I pray that God you will help me fix it right? Thanks God. 

Today I have take this picture early morning when I drive back. I like weather, hmm... Is that I'm depending on the weather? No. I like that as this is a part of God's creation. Weather is good or bad, God still make miracle happen right? Is just same with my life, whether I'm good or bad, God still can fix it and give me strength to overcome all this. God, I need you, I praise you.

When I reach I working place, I still having sometimes to rest. I read the daily devotion that I had downloaded when I'm lazy to continue the chapter from the bible. 

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. (Matthew 5:6 KJV)

God want us as a Christian to have sometimes spending with this poor people. Not just fill their soul with the words of God, by giving the hunger people some food, poor people some cloths and fulfil their need in their life. God, what can I do? 

God, please bless me with the wisdom and faith in you so that I can complete the mission that given from you in this world. I love you Lord. ❤️❤️❤️

11102013

Today actually I can have much time to rest... But don't know why, I insomnia once again... What happened to me? 

While driving to work... While singing praise and worship song, I think about the movie "good doctor". I really got back the passion. I'm asking myself, where is the stage that God has planned to me, I got the answer ready. I can be better, I should not always thinking of myself. Sometimes I do know that what I'm working hard for is not what God wants me to be. I should have know the purpose of God giving me this new life. Just for him... "Just be myself". 

Sometimes I'm thinking that which dress is suitable for me? Which style I suppose to be? I finally get the answer, "be who I mean for" 

Omg... Times flies... I need to back to my position soon, I hope I can be knowing what I'm trying hard for... God, give me wisdom that I should be having. Thanks God.

10102013

Early morning I can't even rest more than 7 Hours. An alarm from my mind been set as I'm telling myself I should be awake at 10am and before that I should spend sometimes for my beloved God. 

After singing praise and worship, I'm reading the words of god regarding the king Solomon that he consist the wisdom from God and the prosperity that given from God. He is a smart and rich king ever as mention in the bible. But the lesson I learned from him is to stay away from the thing that God hate the most. He married a wife that is Gentiles. His wife has bring the problem and influence the people to serve other God. God is the only God in this world, we shouldn't serve other God beside him. 

What can makes us really stand firm in our faith? 

As a Christian, should be a good worshiper, prayer, be obedience and be purity;

As a children, should be honor our parents;

As a worker, should be respect and obey your superior;

As a student, should be study hard... I should be... I suppose be.... God, please help to transform be to a better one. Thank you Lord.

Today after lunch, I found a nice view at the sky...

Wow... Really wish to have a trip to the sky....

I believe I can fly....

It make me desperate to go for my dream.... My dream is at the other corner of the other country....  Where is it? ? ?

Finally going to play badminton with them again. Omg... Just like getting drunk ... I'm really speechless...

Oh... Forget about taking wine with my dad... 

When reached home, my dad was prepared to go bed, I really miss my wine and beers...

Who can accompany me to get all this? Beer~ing alone again... 

I still remember that bro shin loon told me that we will not be a couple as he hate girl taking beers and get drunk like me. XD good... I should get someone who can accompany me to get drunk together and have fun... Omg... I'm drunk now.... 

A friend sent me a link regarding love...

 “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

Haiz... I also don't know what I can be? I just know for this moment... I'm protecting my heart... Just like been locked in a box with a key. God, the key is on you, if someone can get the key from you, it should be able to open my heart. That's it...

I hope I can gt drunk for this moment... Who can with me? Omg....

09102013

I really don't know why I could sleep such a long hours....

When awake it has been nearly 1pm... Omg... My assignment, my movie... Many thing waiting me to be done. Although this week I got plenty off day, but my pending stuff still can't be clear off. What happen to me? Omg. 

Last night when I going to gym, I reflect back the time I have been to the gym at gold master. The only motivation for me to go for gym is because of him.... His courage, his criticize...both positive and negative manner has been motivated me. 

I think I could miss the motivation for a long time. It just my past history... In my personal history, he existed. For now, no longer... I should move forward, thinking about to have some other motivation from others to continue my healthy life. For the while, I love gym, but I do not have enough time for me to spend on this. 

While watching this movie "被偷走的五年” I really feel sweet and lovely. if I could have someone real in my life I could spend with and I hope I can really really love him and sacrifice... Hmm... Can I make it? That's still a curious question in my hearts. XD 

Before I left home while going to the prayer meeting, I introduce this movie to my mom. She watch it and saying thumbs up for this movie. Wow... So great.

Today is the first day I back to the prayer meeting when I start on my degree studies... Although my written assignment still haven't finished, but I think I should be having enough time to finish it up on time. Praise Lord. 

In the prayer meeting, there is another preacher. He is our bro. Jing Ming. He share about the works of the Holy Spirit. The power of the Holy Spirit we shouldn't ignore or reject as it's a need in the spiritual growth in Christianity. 

This is the first prayer meeting that the Holy Spirit fill me with joy and in the moment I just wish to sing praise and worship my God. That's simple. He also mention that many of the Christian do come across a period that their spiritual life was upside down. But the only thing we can back to a healthy spiritual life is we pray, we worship and we ask the presence of the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with love, joy, peace and give us strength to overcome this situation. 

God, I thankful for everything that I have. As what I need, you had planned and prepareded for me. 

07102013

Last night whole night watching the movie "good doctor". Such a good movie that I can't even hold my tears until I should pause the movie and do some adjustment. The verse, the story line was impressed me. 

Although this movie was also having some scene that is involve the love story, but the love story scene also was my favorite part on it and I'm reflecting on what I have done. 

Sometimes I do feel that I was not as passion compare to the first six months I as a nursing aids. My patient = my friend??? One of my dream was a good and helpful nurse, but I have lost my passion to do so. Is that due to my busy working hours? My knowledge has changed my thinking? God, I found that I have lost... I'm not passion that I should be. I can be better for what I believe. 

In this movie, I think I really admire the main character, the doctor with infantile autism. He don't have the common sense, but he have a good and loving hearts that can treat all people equally good and love them as what God ask to do so. 

When I looking at the Facebook comment in the secret group, I really feel sad when I know one of my particular colleague has been boycott by the others. What can I do? I can sense the hurts feeling when I know that someone is boycotting me and I relate it to the movie of the autism doctor. He know that everyone is boycott him and he still treating them very well. Even in the end, some of them has change the perception because he can forgive and still love the other even he know that they dislike him as he is not smart enough and always bring trouble to them. 

I really thanks God that I'm not the stupid autism doctor as the movie, but I do hope I can learn from him as well that I could have more kind heart to love the people around me. 

I know what's my problem... I'm not keep my dream and try my very best to love. I'm very easily to give up and influence by the others. What I'm doing? Earning the favor of God? Or the people? 

I should know what's my very great purpose of God sending me here in this world.

I should praising God, worhispping him, pray for the others, love the others, share the love of God to the people who still don't have the chance to know about Jesus. So What's this days I'm doing? Keep hanging around without doing what's my "boss" asking me to do? My boss, what's the next task I should be complete? 

I'm really lost........... 

Another sad thing is the one I intro her about Jesus and pray with her has leaving God and pray to another God. Those day she need support, where am I? God, what I suppose to do? Many question mark in me.... I know you will slowly answer my question. Thanks God. 

03102013

Such a wonderful day for me to rest and do whatever I want. 

Funny thing is I still going to play badminton even I had bad experience after badminton. ~ whole body ache like hell....

My dad is following me... Omg, I know that he doesn't like to play badminton with traveling so far away some more he prefer to play with his "gang" of badminton lover. 

I'm wondering the reason he is following me to go play with the church member. My mum told me that he is worry about me. He told mum that the place that I play badminton is dark and dangerous so he was worried and hope can protected me. My mum told him that he shouldn't worries too much as I'm growing up and I can take care of myself. He say he understand, but before I have a boy friend to pick me up or have friends that could go with me together, he can't just leave me to go by myself as he still worried about me. Omg... I'm kidding with my mum by saying that I should get a boy friend simply in order to make my dad relieved. My mother laugh out loud and I continue to tell her that if I'm not going to get a boy friend soon than I should not be staying in Malaysia so that my dad can't tracking on me. Lolz....

After few sets of badminton match, I sit aside to have a rest. Shin loon told me that my dad had told him that to escort me to my car when I want to go back as he is planning not to come for the next time. Omg... He is so funny as asking me to do a rehearsal for today as my dad as told him. Lolz... Are they kidding me? I can protect myself and be independent okay.... I no need some kind of protection, I just need God, that's it. 

God, I pray that I can get a right "man" sooner as I wish my dad could be more relieve and stop worries about me. XD but another hand, I wish I can go on my dream without any barrier... Sound contradiction right? I also don't know what I am wishing actually. ;)

29092013

Thanks God who restore me back to the purpose of living as create and planned by God.

When singing this song, pastor suddenly ask us to pray in two by two, I'm keyboard list for today. Although I can't join in prayers, but thanks God Chester come for me and pray for me. While he praying for me, I tears by filling of the Holy Spirit in me, comforting me and I know that once again God calling upon me. Thanks God for not forsaken me as I'm nearly lost myself with the busy life.

For the medical check, thanks God, everything running smooth as what we usually did. I do feel that I need to pray for those of them who having medical problem. I'm running with this ministry, I should able to do it well right? God, please hold me tight and let me serve you with all I have. Amen.

After service, Jia Wei, Nicole and I go for our lunch together at Stone Age. Initially I do feel to call ping ping and Keantatt to go together as we plan to have lunch together. So bad, all had their activities. 

We still enjoy our meal so well, praise Lord. 

Stone Age @bukit mertajam. 

Yummy.... 

The first time I try the Tom yam mee... Very hot and spicy, wow.... 

I slept over few hours, omg my parent thought I'm not around as I'm sleeping in my room. XD 

26092013

Since morning I had waked up, first thing as usual I will be praying and have read the bible devotional through phone apps. I'm lying on my bed thinking that when I start on my day with all assignment awaiting on my to do list. I'm damn lazy... Damn...

After lunch with my dad, I success persuade him to accompany me to play badminton with church member. Great... I no need to travel so far alone, although usually I can do so it when there was a urge for me to do so. Actually my dad worried about me that's why he choose to go so far playing badminton with me. 

For me, although I'm thinking so far as well, but I really miss the time spending with them. I do not know is that I having another chance to spend time with them anymore, but just try my best do whatever I can. 

The first time I step in the badminton court. That's the new court in Butterworth. 

When saw him teaching Esther badminton, I refresh back some memory I had with him, but the feeling is not same anymore. I know there is impossible to back to the relationship like once upon the time, but the good thing is I still can talk with him. Although our conversation is just 2 seconds, but I do appreciate and I know I owe him and hers family a lot, I can't pay off with money. I just hope and pray that he can have a ladies better in future that could make him really happy and don't make him in trouble anymore. 

Anyways, my small dream can't get on as I'm been waiting to have a match with him, but last... I can't do so and I think I won't wish to do it anymore. 

I think our relationship will be the best if staying on friendship, it last forever. I think I can live without him well and could get my white prince in future than. God please bless and lead me than. I really wish could have a man can have the character that shown in the movie 冲上云霄2 Sam Tong. Haha.... 

Hey joyce, please wake up. There will not be a same man just like the movie and a sweet romantic scene in life, but I do trust God will start writing my love story soon. ;)