This morning I had sent a msg through fb for the guy that he say he like me...clear explain had be given...but his ans still the same he say he like me...OMG....I duno how to do it....I go for gym...make up my mind...the person I like keep having same relationship with me.still good...I just do all I can, the rest I leave it to god...nothing I can change. I try to give chance for the person that he say he like me to be normal friend,but not boy friend. I clearly know that what I waiting for. As last night I consult a bro in Christ that I not really know him, but I feel comfortable to share with him...really thank to him...
Yeah finally all settle down...
I need make up my mind to plan my future... Had my degree, plan for trip...camp...polish my keyboard...train my body...many stuff need to be done...

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Today I'm really sick of my action...
The person that like me keep asking me to give him an answer...
I'm so stressful honestly. Maybe I'm not ready to have a relationship with him and another strong reason is I found I still like "him"
I can't tell him I still like "him" because as I know "he" is not going to have a good ending with me...The answer really is what I expected.
This morning I get my strong courage to sms "him" that how he feel to me... His answer quite disappointed me... he treat me is just same with others and call me dun think too much, OMG... really killing me... but I'm so tough, still can handle and go bank with mother but my mom keep asking me to help her find her hand phone I keep forgetting...LOL... It just because I'm not in mood to concentrate...
Very confusing...frustrated with the guy keep asking same question.
Sad when know the "guy" answer, but relieve when all this is shared out...
Future what will happen is not under my control. So what I can do I had make it, if really cant change the situation now I wont regret.
But I found is the "he" had more concern me after I'm telling him...
and the he.... still keep doing something that want to tackle me... seem I'm torture him ... feel bad right now...
God, what can I do??? What I feel????

I'm lost... totally.... Working??? relationship??? just the same... LOST!!!

Suddenly a colleague having the MC, from a runner become a drip and physio... need to do all kinda job, following Dr. round, serve medication, injection... all sort of things... like a maid....haiz....

Back from work area, start missing him again... sms him since morning but just able to reply him few sms.... but when reach home, he busy working...haiz.... What I'm going to do with this??? God... thanks you not forsaken me.

....(continued)
Today start on my day....working with some fun colleague...same thing same job always been.... tired man...
I also like usual sms him the usual things... Had controlled myself not to do so... but finally does it too....FAILED...
Finally I told one of my best friend when secondary school, told her what I feel to him, how I think...express totally...relax...thanks God meet such a friend can let me share totally...
She really support me and feel happy when know I meet a person that I like, but another way I'm worry... and she just tell me follow the feeling goes...
sometimes really wish I can have much urge to stand infront him and start telling and asking him what he feel on me... but is just will does in my dream... in actual worlds... It's impossible..I wont take out the 1st step even though I have 80% chance to win it...
beside headache for the relationship problems, I need to think about the courses I prefer to take soon... Mostly next year.Which I prefer, I'm still wondering? who can lead me to the right destination? God, please lead me, I need you. Please don't forsaken me...(to be continue...)

hApPy FaThEr's D@Y

start on blog again.... (for reflextion purpose)

Start on my blog again as long time I just willing to post all non of my feeling things such as food.... travel place...family..
Today onwards I wish to write somethings bout what I learn and it is from my inner part... as a reflection of the day. Just query why I going to start my blogging life so sudden? Well, it inspired from a counseling lecturer as she told us, blogging actually help us to reflex what we do and as we are growing it can be a memories for our self when you read back your blog few years back.

Haiz...Actually is hard to express my feeling here... but as I heard a pastor said, someone that had prepare to love some one must be able to express themselves to others. Some one not able to express mean they are hardly to open themselves to share with others what they feel and for sure that others will not able to understand them and can't really know what he feel and of course we can't exchange feeling and everything is just guessing that's why misunderstand is happening around.
I think I'm not the one that can't share around, and I think non of my friends will think that I'm quiet type but just hope that some one I shared is able to help me keep it secret as I wish sometimes for some pivarate feelings.

I wish I'm not in love anyway... Wish all people that remind me around is just kidding with me... but recently I really sense somethings was wrong...I started have abnormal action, this also a reason that I wish to reflex myself often as now start blogging and I started to share my feeling to some close friends....is really confuse...
Maybe He is confusing me anyways.... just let it be spontaneously and let it to God...
I also cant control myself not to think anyways, so sometimes will feel overwhelmed as I really scare to have a 1st move as well.
Can someone read his heart and tell me what's going on? I know him well as his personality, character, daily living, families...just his inner heart...I still can't really read it...It's so blur...I'm wondering was he can't read what's I'm thinking as well? or I still giving him a wrong hints? or another way he was just comfort with what we are now? Oh gosh.... feeling is killing me right now....~can't really have logically thinking right now...is time for me to rest...(~to be continues)