WHY LOVE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THE BACHELOR

Highlights your singleness like Valentine’s Day.

It’s the cherry on top of getting wedding invitations in the mail, picking out bridesmaid dresses for yet another one of your friends or smiling as your aunt tells you, in that soothing voice of pity, that your time too will come.

Yet, each night you curl up in bed alone with a cup of ice cream and yet another chick flick where the girl next door always gets the guy.

Valentine’s Day is not in any way a holiday for Christians, yet every year I somehow get swept up in all the lovey dovey stuff that happens around me – bouquets of roses delivered to co-workers, proposals shared on Instagram and proclamations of love spelled out for the world to see.

It’s like The Bachelor. I can’t help it. Every season, I get sucked into watching the premiere of The Bachelor or Bachelorette. It’s a terrible habit, yet like watching a train wreck, I can’t look away.

It seems I’m not the only one. This season, 8.6 million viewers tuned into watch the premiere episode of the current bachelor’s search for love. 

Studies show that out of 64 reality dating shows, three primary themes are: 

(1) women are sex objects, 

(2) men are sex-driven, and 

(3) dating is a game.

Some people dismiss this as “just entertainment”, but as categorized by TV networks, these are supposed to be reality shows with real young men and women putting their lives on hold for a chance at love. As consumers and readers, we drive what the media covers and society deems appropriate. 

And by watching, we’re approving of this behavior.

Research cites that young adults who watch reality TV focusing on sexual relationships are more likely to have one-one night stands than viewers who don’t watch these kinds of shows. Scholars have also found that the more reality dating programs people watch, the more likely the are to view dating as a game and to subscribe to the stereotypical sexual beliefs.

For example, they are more likely to believe that a woman needs to use her body to attract a man, that dating is all about physical appearances, and that men are after only one thing – sex.

These are the messages – unrealistic, romanticized notions about relationships and marriage – that our young people are filled with every single day, because entertainment influences what we believe about love and the opposite sex.

Although today the world around us prompts a Bachelor-kind of approach to love and relationships, the truth is, it’s the complete opposite of what a Biblical searchfor a soul mate looks like.

CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET TV PRODUCERS DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW?

You don’t have to do anything to attract a guy – you don’t have to buy that skimpy dress or wear layers of makeup. You don’t have to lose 10 pounds or bat your eyelashes in that practiced flirtation. You don’t need to tailor your interests and goals to fit the ideal girlfriend or wife requirements. You don’t even have to compete with every girl you meet for a guy’s attention or dumb yourself or your dreams down in order to not be intimidating.

Because the right guy who will fall in love with you will see beyond the clothes you wear and the acne scars you try to cover up. He’ll see Jesus – in the way you talk, the smile on your face, your kindness, the way you spend your days and in the dreams you have for your life.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. -Proverbs 31:30

I know so many girls who want a Godly man – a leader who is involved in ministry, loves children, memorizes Bible verses, has a good job, and is handsome to boot.

Yet, it’s those same girls who wake up every morning at dawn to make sure their makeup is done just so (even if the sweatpants you wear give an air of indifference about your looks), and then in the evening slip into short skirts and high heels to spend hours giggling over some guy’s crude jokes.

This kind of behavior is in our churches too though. Girls in Bible studies, Christian campus groups and worship bands – racking up a church involvement resume in hopes that one guy will notice how dedicated you are to God.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been there.

Until God asked me what I would do if the roles were swapped. What if I fell for a guy like that – the one who acts one way outside of church, yet is the epitome of a good Christian guy in church? And even if my path did cross with a true man of God, would the Lord find me a worthy match for such a man? 

The Bible tells us not be unequally yoked in marriage with an unbeliever, but I think it also extends to spiritual levels. If I were to marry a man whose life is dedicated to ministry, would I be able to fulfill my role as his helper if I place my value on material things, romantic notions based on the lust of the flesh, and personal ambition?

I’ve seen so many marriages nearly collapse under the pressure of different beliefs – wives who felt restrained by their husbands conservative values and desire to live by Biblical truths instead of conforming to how the world lives. Some of those marriages thrived, but it took years of arguments and hardships for the spouses to be on the same page. Other marriages went in a different direction, either failing apart, or both spouses leaving the church completely.

THEY CALL THIS THE SEASON OF SINGLENESS. I LIKE TO CALL IT A SEASON OF PREPARATION.

These are the precious young years of our lives that the Bible speaks so fondly of (1 John Chapter 2) – time we can dedicate to growing in the Lord, strengthening our faith, and finding our worth in the pages of Scripture (not in the passing attention of a cute boy).

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. -1 Timothy 4:12

You don’t have to live like everyone else around you. You’ll still get married even if you don’t go on a single date or wear single tight, short dress. God will find a way. 

The hardest part is giving up the husband search and the expectations you have for a relationships… trusting that God has it all under control. Let go.

This is your Jesus time that you can use to get to know Him intimately and learn to love like Jesus does. It might even require you to sacrifice some of your dreams or say yes to an opportunity you might not have pursued if you were married.

As you walk this path with God, somewhere in the world, there is a guy walking another path with God. Each of you is being prepared for a ministry and life you will one day lead together, as one. One day, those two paths will flow into one, but will you be at the crossroads to meet him? Or will you wander away with your friends in search of glitz and romance boasted by our college “experiences” and reality shows?

Someday, the Lord will place an amazing man in your life – who loves God more than anything else in the world, even you.

WILL YOU BE WORTHY OF THAT CALLING? WILL YOU BE HIS EQUAL IN ALL THE MATTERS OF THE HEART?

PRAYING FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND, PRAYING, HUSBAND,

Praying for your husband

Anna Bachinsky / June 21, 2012

PRAYING FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND, PRAYING, HUSBAND,

Half a year ago I was sitting in my room grading some worksheets we had given our teens from church as homework and I came across one of my girl’s papers on which I read something that made me put everything down and just stop and think. I don’t know what question it was responding to but she had written: “I’m praying that one day God will bless me with a good, godly husband and we’ll have a good family once we get married.”

All of a sudden I felt really convicted, because here I have one of my thirteen year old girls writing about how she’s praying for her future husband and it made me realize that half of the time I forget that I’m supposed to be praying for my own future husband as well.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been praying for my husband since I was a young girl too. If there’s anything I learned during my teenage years it was that it’s never too early to start praying for your future husband… whether you’re ten or fifteen. But thinking back on those years I realized that I haven’t exactly been praying the right way. My prayers would be something along these lines, “God, please make my husband exist out there somewhere, please help him come to me as fast as he possibly can, oh… and bless him too”. I sure hope my husband already “existed” when I was thirteen… or else I still have a LONG time to wait for him. ;)

I also remember talking to a few godly married women who told me about how much they prayed and fasted for their husbands before they came into their lives. One of them fasted once a week for a year. Another one had her family fast along with her. Me? I prayed for him when I remembered I was supposed to and I fasted a few times too, but never extensively. And as for the family part? The only time I’ve asked my family to pray with me for my future husband would be when my younger siblings would argue about which one of them would claim my room after I’m gone…I told them if they wanted to get my room anytime soon they’d better start praying that my husband would come quickly or else none of them would. ;)

So then came my question: how exactly DO I pray for my future husband? This man that I have never met or have already met but have no clue that he’s “the one”. When my friends ask me to pray for them I know exactly what to pray for, what they are struggling with… but how do I pray for someone when I don’t even really know what is going on in his life at this time?

I decided that it was time to do what I had to do in order to get answers: talk to God about it, find a good book on that topic, or the typical one… just google it. ;) So of course, I did all three.

After praying about it I decided that what I needed to do was come up with… “the list”. I know if you’re a guy… those two words just made you very happy. ;) This list though is a little different than the one girls typically create. It has nothing to do with his physical appearance, what his resume looks like, or how exciting his life is at the moment (although those things matter too) but it was more along the lines of what kind of qualities does this man need to have to be a good future husband, father and leader of the home based on God’s Word and what does he need to do to get those qualities if he doesn’t have them already. Then I have to pray for God to work on those things in his life every day.

Of course, it’s not fair to create “the list” for my future husband and have no list for myself. I’m far from perfect (and lucky me) I actually know the things I need to work on daily. I created my own list of qualities that a wife, mother, and “helper” should have and what I need to do to “get there”… and asked God to help me work on those areas in my life too.

As for the book… there are quite a few books out there written for wives who want to pray for their husbands, but not too many written for singles praying for their future husbands. But, I did find a book that is specifically written for this exact topic, “Praying for Your Future Husband” by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer.

The interesting thing about this book is that it’s written for young teen girls who want to pray for their husbands. Not older girls who are already out of college, ready to get a real job as well as get on with life and settle down with their future spouse… but young girls: twelve, thirteen, fourteen years old whose dreams of walking down the aisle toward their Mr. Right won’t be happening in a long time.

And it made me wonder… what’s the point of praying for your future husband at such a young age before you even meet him? Why can’t you just start praying for him after you have already met him and are planning your wedding?

Before we answer that question we should take a good look at what men are in our world. Men are called to be our spiritual and earthly leaders. They are the backbone of the family, the nation, the body of Christ because God has a special calling upon each one of them and that is to lead the way with their God-given authority. It is men who take leading roles in determining how our nation should be run, how our children should be raised, what our churches should be grounded on. And Satan knows this very well, which is why from a very early age he bombards young boys with things that will stunt their growth in becoming the godly men and role models God created them to be. His plan is to take down these men before they can even rise to be who they are called to be because by making sure these men never rise to be truly God-fearing leaders that they need to be our families, churches, society will be weak along with their leaders.

This isn’t in any way to undermine the role of women in the world, in the church, and in the family. Women also play a significant role in all of these areas. And they also play a significant role in encouraging or discouraging the men in their lives in becoming the godly leaders they are called to be. Satan has his own attacks and schemes against women as well, but he knows that the best way to get to women is to first get to the men in their lives because it is the men in our lives that are our leaders and authority figures.Currently there seems to be a global problem for our present generation of Christian women and it is the unbalanced ratio between God-honoring woman and the males in their lives who aren’t as quick to become the men God called them to be. This leaves many young Christian women asking the question: what are we supposed to do? Sit back and worry about when these men will magically have an epiphany which will make them realize they need to step it up a little? Eat ice-cream while watching chick flicks and waiting for an un-realistic version of Prince Charming to appear in our lives? No. There is something we can do for our future (and present) husbands today and that is to enter into the war zone and fight for them in the one way that we can: pray for them.

We can’t step into their shoes and make the right decisions for them but we can pray for them every day as they battle against all of Satan’s attacks and schemes to bring them down and prevent them from growing. And the sooner you start praying, the better it is. Which is why it’s good (and important) for girls to pray for their husbands long before they meet them. By praying for them at an early age they are joining in the battle for their future husbands to develop into the godly men they should be and this will be a blessing to them and their family later on down the road.

Now… what should you pray for exactly? A few things outlined in this particular book include:

-His heart

-He will be a God lover

-Patience

-Understanding

-Trust

-Loyalty and faithfulness

-Strength

-Protection

-Intimacy

-“The list”

-Contentment

-Commitment

If you want a more extended and specific list I stumbled upon a great article titled “31 Days of Praying for Your Husband” and there is a specific thing to pray for written out for each day of the month. This list is actually geared more toward married women praying for their husbands rather than single women praying for their future husbands but it’s a great tool to use if you’re having trouble figuring out what you should be praying for and it covers every single topic listed in the book that I mentioned above. :)

Whether you’re single or married it’s important to remember the power and importance of praying for the men in our lives. It’s never too early or too late to start and by doing so we will play a vital role in helping them become the leaders for that God wants them to be.

It turns out my teen girl is on the right track with starting to pray for her future husband at her young age and one day (when I remember which girl it was) I’ll have to thank her for helping me discover the importance of always keeping my future husband in my daily prayers… ;)

31 Days of Praying for Your Husband

Day 1 –  

Pray that your husband will grow spiritually and consider his accountability before the Lord. Pray that he will guard his heart by developing spiritual disciplines—Bible reading and study, prayer, meditation, scripture memorization, etc. (2 Peter 3:18; Prov. 4:23)

Day 2 – 
Pray that your husband’s relationship with God and His Word will bear fruit in his life. Pray that he will be a man of wisdom and understanding, fearing the Lord. (Prov. 3:7, 9:10; Ps. 112:1)

Day 3 – 
Pray that your husband will be humble and quick to agree with God about his sin. Pray that his heart will be tender toward the voice of the Lord. (Ps. 51:2-4; Micah 6:8)

Day 4 –
Pray that your husband will grow in leadership skills in your relationship—protecting and providing for you. Pray that he will lead you wisely and love you sacrificially, so that God will be glorified in your marriage. (Eph. 5:25-29; Col. 3:19)

Day 5 – 
Pray that your husband will be faithful to his wedding vows. Pray that he will have a desire to cultivate your relationship as a sign of his loyalty and commitment to you, and as a picture of Christ’s love for the Church. (Prov. 20:6; Gen. 2:24)

Day 6 – 
Pray that your husband will love righteousness and hate wickedness, especially the evils of the culture. Pray that he will recognize and avoid wickedness in his own life, and if necessary, take a clear, strong stand against evil. (Prov. 27:12; John 17:15; 1 Cor. 10:12-13)

Day 7 – 
Pray that your husband will safeguard his heart against inappropriate relationships with the opposite sex. Pray that his heart will be pure and undivided in his commitment to you. (Prov. 6:23-24, 26; Rom. 13:14)

Day 8 – 
Pray that your husband will work hard to provide for your family, to the best of his ability. Pray that the character qualities necessary for a successful career and ministry will be a growing part of his character—persistence, decisiveness, strength, an analytical mind, organizational skills, positive relationships with people, determination, etc. (Rom. 12:11; 1 Cor. 15:58)

Day 9 – 
Pray that your husband handle finances wisely, will have discernment concerning budgeting and investments, and will be a good steward of his money in regard to giving to the Lord’s work. Pray that money will not become a source of discord in your family. (Prov. 23:4-5; Rom. 12:13; Heb. 13:5)

Day 10 – 
Pray that your husband will cultivate strong integrity, and not compromise his convictions. Pray that his testimony will be genuine, that he will be honest in his business dealings, and will never do anything that he needs to hide from others. (Prov. 20:7; 1 Tim. 1:5, 3:7; Eph. 6:10-12)

Day 11 – 
Pray that your husband will have a humble, teachable spirit and a servant’s heart before the Lord. Pray that he will listen to God and desire to do His will. (Prov. 15:33; Eph. 6:6)

Day 12 – 
Pray that your husband will yield his sexual drive to the Lord and practice self control. Pray that your sexual intimacy together will be fresh, positive, and a reflection of selfless love. (Prov. 5:15, 18; 1 Cor. 7:3; Song of Solomon 7:10)

Day 13 – 
Pray that your husband use practical skills to build your family and make wise decisions for your welfare. Pray that he will serve unselfishly. (Gal. 5:13; Phil. 2:3-4)

Day 14 – 
Pray that your husband will speak words that build you and your family, and reflect a heart of love. Pray that he will not use filthy language. (Prov. 18:21; Eph. 4:29)

Day 15 – 
Pray that your husband will choose his friends wisely. Pray that God will bring him men who will encourage his accountability before God, and will not lead him into sin. (Prov. 13:20; Prov. 27:17)

Day 16 – 
Pray that your husband will choose healthy, God-honoring activities. Pray that he will not live in bondage to any questionable habits or hobbies, but that he will experience freedom in holiness as he yields to the Spirit’s control. (1 Cor. 6:12, 10:31; 2 Tim. 2:4)

Day 17 – 
Pray that your husband will enjoy his manliness as he patterns his life after Christ and strong men in the faith. Pray for his physical, emotional, mental, social and spiritual strength. (Eph. 3:16; 1 Peter 2:21; 1 Cor. 10:11)

Day 18 –
Pray that your husband will have an eternal perspective—living in light of eternity. Pray that he will reject materialism and temporal values and put God first in his life. (Matt. 6:33; Deut. 6:5; Eph. 5:16; Ps. 90:12)

Day 19 – 
Pray that your husband will be patient and a man of peace. Pray that he will not give in to anger, but will allow the Holy Spirit to control his responses. (Rom. 14:19; Ps. 34:14)

Day 20 – 
Pray that your husband will yield his mind and thoughts to the Lord. Pray that he will not entertain immoral or impure thoughts, and that he will resist the temptation to indulge in pornography. (Prov. 27:12; 2 Cor. 10:5)

Day 21 –
Pray that your husband will learn how to relax in the Lord and, in his greatest times of stress, find joy and peace in his relationship with God. Pray that he will submit his schedule to the Lord. (Neh. 8:10; Prov. 17:22; Ps. 16:11)

Day 22 – 
Pray that your husband will practice forgiveness in your relationship and with others. Pray that he will recognize any roots of bitterness, and yield any resentment and unforgiving attitudes to the Lord. (Eph. 4:32; Heb. 12:15)

Day 23 – 
Pray that your husband will be a good father—disciplining his children wisely and loving them unconditionally. If he is not a father, pray that he will find a young man to mentor in the things of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21; 2 Tim. 2:1-2)

Day 24 – 
Pray that your husband will have a balanced life—that he will balance work and play. Pray that he will fear God, but also gain favor with people he knows at work and church. (Luke 2:52; Prov. 13:15)

Day 25 – 
Pray that your husband will be courageous in his stand against evil and injustice, and that he will stand for the truth. Pray that he will protect you and your family from Satan’s attacks. (Ps. 31:24; Eph. 6:13; Ps. 27:14)

Day 26 – 
Pray that your husband will discover and live his God-given purpose. Pray that he will offer all his dreams to the Lord, and pursue only those goals that will bring God glory and count for eternity. (Jer. 29:11; 1 Cor. 10:31)

Day 27 – 
Pray that your husband will understand the importance of taking care of his body—the temple of the Holy Spirit—for the glory of God. Pray that he will practice self-control by making wise food choices, and get sufficient exercise to stay healthy. (Rom. 12:1-2; 1 Cor. 6:19-20, 9:27)

Day 28 – 
Pray that your husband will be a man of prayer. Pray that he will seek and pursue God in purposeful quiet times. (1 Thess. 5:17; Luke 22:46; James 5:16)

Day 29 – 
Pray that your husband will surrender his time and talents to the Lord. Pray that his spiritual gifts will be manifest in his career, at church, and in your home. (Eph. 5:15-16; 1 Cor. 12:4, 7)

Day 30 – 
Pray that your husband will serve God and others with pure motives. Pray that he will obey the Lord from his heart, and glorify Him in everything. (1 Cor. 10:13; John 7:17-18; Col. 3:23-24)

Day 31 – 
Pray that your husband will recognize the lies of the Enemy in his life. Pray that his attitudes and actions will be guided by the truth as he brings his thoughts into captivity to the Word of God. (John 8:44; 2 Cor. 10:4-5)