07042014 ReThink life

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. (Philippians 4:8 NLT)

This early morning, while I'm laying on my bed a scene flash in my mind. I think of what uncle Alan had message me that joyce kang is always joyful. Praise God and he sent me this verse 

"Give thanks to the lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever. (Psalms 107:1 NLT)"

Everyday I had practice to start on my day with a bible plan - ReThink life 40days. 

Today thought was as "From the very moment we wake up thoughts begin to fill our mind and they form the attitude and altitude of our day. We have the opportunity and responsibility to choose the direction of our thoughts. Today choose to replace those thoughts of worry, anxiety and negativity with the truth of God’s word. God tells us that if He is for us who can be against us? He tells us that greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. His word tells us we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength and with God all things are possible. Today fix the direction of your thoughts on what God says is true and not what the world is telling you. "

Whatever thought that we choose, not fix on the worlds that's telling you. We must able to get the right direction so that we can be able to know what's is true and good to us. 

God's word is my strength and with God all things are possible. I'm not afraid of all thing and I can do all thing through Jesus who strengthen me. Amen.

Research life begin

From the first day I travel to kl, it makes me think about my life has to be start on busy from the day onwards. First day traveling to kl, I nearly miss my flight as I'm confuse with my boarding time and my actual flight depart time. 

While rushing to the airport, I prayed that God still give me a chance to get up this flight that I have planned. Praise Lord, he makes my wish comes true. 

Although we reach our class abit late, but the important classes we get to attend. 

Thanks God that this module I'm glad to have Ms Tang as my facilitator and lecturer that could teach us many thing that I would not know in research. 

As usual everyday my best friend Wei Ee and I taking LRT to go IMU for our classes. The university has hired a good coffee shop which sell my favor coffee in the campus. Everyday before start on my day I had a cup of coffee, mostly dark mocha. Actually it's costly as it cost me RM8 per cup in the morning as I'm not getting such an expansive breakfast at my hometown before. 

I like the coffee smell and I like the coffee art on the coffee itself as well. The man who made this coffee is great. Appreciate it and I hope one day I could have a chance to learn it as well.

The first day dinner I got my buy one free one subway bread as that day the voucher was due.  

This week my research partner also my BFF wei ee was having her continuous prayer with their church member. They need to pray on time fixed on the schedule. She get the first one in the morning at 6am. She is great, I heard every early morning she could wake up and pray, sing praise and I'm still lying on the bed and rest. Although I'm not wake up early for praying purpose, but everyday when traveling to my university via LRT, I'm reading the words of God with my new pet's "iPhone". 

I told myself that I need to comtinue this practice when I'm back to my hometown as well. After I had read the bible, I'm planting my plants in my phone as well. It's also one of my reminder as if I'm forgotten to pray and read the word of God, my plant may die and I have not much items to revive it anymore. 

The first day after dinner, I'm going to pamper my self with a dessert. BR 31. Wow... Although my gastric was complaining all the time, but I pray and fix it with some antacid medication. I feel painful and discomfort until I need to keep sitting down to get my comfort position. While waiting my BFF to get her towel as she forgotten to bring in, I start to pray and reply msg that I have left behind. 

I saw the message from my church sister Esther. She was so worries about her accommodation and she miss her family so badly. I know this feeling well, I know how difficult for a youngster to get use to a new environment, although I have come across all those days, but I really hope I can accompany her while she feel lonely. I trust God will be with her and she could get a good and safe accommodation as planned from God. 

Every time I had read some bible verse that I think useful, I will forward her as well. Hope the words of God may strengthen her as it has give me strength that I need as well.

After few days, it's time for me to back to my hometown. It's Friday. After seen those senior had presented their research finding, use stress comes. I know I can finish my research on time as I'm not doing alone, besides my research partner, one thing make me so confidence that I can complete this research on time and did well as I know my God will lead me through those hard time I'm struggling with the research, note book entires, working.... All those stressful period and worries should not bring my joy and love away. My God is able to do all thing that's seem impossible. I can do it as my God is capable and he give me the gift and strength that I can't imagine and I should use it to glorify God's name and nothing could separate me with the love Of God. 

Previously night I had listen a sermon about the gift from God. Each individual is different. Just like the story of 5 bread with two fishes. The pastor telling that if the mother's of the little boy did not prepare those food for the child, the child may not have those food to use by God. But if each of everyone can use their own gift from God in serving God and use by God, it can makes all thing possible and great. Although sometimes we may not be the one that very smart, the prettiest, the leader or those richer person. But God say that, he still able to use us as he has given us a gift that he know that's good enough for us to use it to serve him. 

When I pray, I know God is talking to me deeply. I know he is try to comfort me and make me feel good with what I'm doing right now. Although I'm not pretty as other, although I'm not smart and rich like others, but I'm alive. I can still serve him with whatever I have. I should not compare with others. God don't allow me to compare. He just want me to use whatever I have to serve. Reflect back, last Sunday when my church sister apologize to me as she feel she has abit rude while instruct me to follow the way she would like to lead in praise and worship. 

Suddenly I feel impressed and think that God really know what's my feeling. Although I'm not express out what my feeling, but I really have not confidence in serving as I'm worried that my skills may worsen the worship team and I'm not good enough to serve. When I heard her appologize I know God again taking to me. 

On the way back from KL I'm taking bus... Usually I will sleep like pig while traveling by bus or car. For this trip, I'm totally awake at all time. Thinking... Keep reflecting... And writing my blog with all such feeling and thinking I had in mind. Keep thinking that what May happened after my research study, I'm graduating... I'm leaving... Where I'm going to? Singapore? Australia? I'm wondering... But I'm sure that I'm leaving..

Although I will miss my family badly, miss my church, my brother and sister.... I still need to move on right. As we know every one should have to move on to a different level of their life. Like married, giving birth... We also may have different friends and people around us. There was no such thing or people could accompany us forever. We should growth.... In such a way we should give up something we think that very important. Like friends, previously I really think of my good best friend will not leave me and I trust that he may not make me disappointed and the fact that he make me truly disappointed and now we just like stranger or worse than a stranger. Haha... Speechless... I know God was giving me this chance to understand there is no eternity in human relationship, one day when we die, we need to leave this world and one back to the place that we came from. So whatever happened in this world may not be remember and I could not bring it with me. I should clearly know it and use my time and love to love those who needed the love of God and do whatever God want me to do. Amen. 

Finally, I reach home. Although I'm very tired, but spiritually I'm filled with God's words and i no longer thirst and hungry as I get feed by Jesus's bread and living water from God. Praise Lord. Tomorrow will be another blessed day. God, thanks for giving me a lovely family that tolerate my bad habit and love me with the love from God. Thanks God. 

01032014

Today suddenly I tearing when I try to sleep at the karaoke room. When listening to the song... Sad song... I keep tearing... Don't know what happen to me. Something spiritually was wrong in me. When I pray, my tears keep dropping. I scare that my friend found I'm tearing may frighten them as well, so I better leave. After I had change the dinner dress, I walk in a coffee shop. Ordered a favored coffee and half boiled eggs. 

My friend keep asking what happened to me, I told them I'm okay as I also don't know how to tell them what's wrong with me, I just need times to pray and meditate alone. 

Recently busy taking care of my uncle, saw his pain, his discomfort... I'm depressed as well. I'm keep asking God's healing and confess his promise upon us. I know God would not forsaken him, he will strengthen him with the words and we should believe God and keep believing. 

Last night I plan to have sometimes with God, but end up I found its late as the next day I need to wake early to prepare myself to travel to Alor Setar. I'm driving, early in the morning I'm rushing as I though I'm late as I had misunderstand the wedding time and keep rushing... 

I hate this feeling most. 

Now my physically has worn out. I hope I can rest, but end up I'm tearing non stop... What am I doing? God, please give me strength that I need to go through this as you usually did it to me. 

When I'm sitting at the coffee shop, I read a devotion from my iPhone apps. It stated "「你要察看神的作为，因神使为曲的，谁能变为直呢？」（圣经传道书七章 13 节）

　　神似乎常把祂的儿女放在极困难的处境中，使他们无法逃避，也无法解决。也许你正在这样的处境中。

　　似乎你的遭遇是顶烦恼、顶严重，你也不懂得为什么神要如此待你，但是神的处理决没有错误。不久你就会看见祂的美意。你所处的地位是一个戏台，你正在戏台上表演神的荣耀、恩典和权能。

　　祂不只要施行拯救；祂也要藉此使你学习一个不能遗忘的功课，叫你在事情经过之后， 还能常常唱出新的赞美，发出足够的感谢来。" this devotion just like answering me something that I'm asking God. 

02032014

Today actually I'm not serving as I'm very tired for such a previous busy day in my life. I wish I could rest and concentrate in worshipping and enjoyed in the presence of God. But unfortunately, Kerryn fb messaging me that she could not make it and asked help from me. I'm serving....

The pianist today was Shi Bei - one of the best pianist in my church as she was good in piano and she love it so much. She taught fang ying some special method that she found useful when playing worship songs and she share with us some of the technical skills as requested by Chester. 

After all, all of the pianist was stunt and some of them having the same feeling that I did about "can I quit?" Changes is good, improvement was needed and if quit, we just stay behind and couldn't move on. I'm in doubt and asking this question to God. 

God answer my question with a devotional message from Ps Joseph Prince as below. 

  God Can Use Those Whom The World Rejects  

 

1 Corinthians 1:26

26 For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called.

You may think that you are a nobody, maybe even a has-been or a loser in the eyes of the world. Take heart because God’s Word says that if you are not wise, not mighty or not noble according to the flesh, then you are a prime candidate for Him to call on! And when He begins to use you, you will see His favor, power and increase change your life.

In the eyes of the ancient world, Moses was the rising star of Egypt. The Bible tells us that in the first 40 years of his life, “Moses was learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians, and was mighty in words and deeds”. (Acts 7:22) But God could not use him then because he was too smart, strong and full of himself.

It was only 40 years later, after having been in the unglamorous desert of Midian, emptied of himself and thinking that he was a has-been, that God sent him to confound the might of Pharaoh.

The world may pass them by — the weak, the small, the forgotten and the losers, but God chooses them to confound those mighty in the world.

I know this to be true. As a little boy, I grew up facing rejection and ridicule because of my Indian-Chinese racial mix. And as a teenager, I was the butt of many jokes because of my stammering and stuttering.

When I was in my teens, I remember praying to God, “I don’t know what I can do for or give You, but You got me — spirit, soul and body.” I don’t know how many times I prayed that prayer. But I knew that God heard me because He called me. Only God would dare choose me, a stammerer and stutterer, to pastor a church for Him that has since grown to more than 30,000 members today.

I know what I was and where I came from. I know I have done nothing and can do nothing apart from His anointing and grace in my life.

My friend, when you think that you are weak and small compared to others in the world, that is when God can use you to do great and wonderful things for Him!

God can use me even I had nothing. Although I'm nobody, but God love me and mold me become somebody.  Praise Lord!!!

12022014

Today after listened to the sermon by Joel osteen- pray God-sized prayer. I know that God's talk to me and I reply the calling from God. I know I'm not an ordinary person that God has made. I'm extraordinary person that God made me with an purpose that I could be history maker and I could fully used by God and for his purpose. 

I want to pray, I want pray God-sized prayer that I could see miracle and extraordinary thing happened in my life. 

First of all I want to pray for healing for me and my uncle Danny. 

Second, I want to pray for my dreams. 

Third, I want to pray for a right man in my life. 

Fourth, I want to asked more from God as what he has promised to me. I want ask more and receive more. 

I want to strengthen my faith in God and do what he could do that what's people think was impossible. Amen. 

Luke 1:36

For nothing is impossible with God." 

My first Post in 2014

New year... New Hope... My dream, My hope, and my everything is in your Hand, My Lord.
Whatever dream, wishes that I had in 2013 was over, new things replacing it. I wish I won't fall back to the past and no longer stay still at year 2013.

Previously I had a good practice in writing my blog everyday, but recently I found my life was filled up with so much the activities that took place of my blog writing time. Maybe I had given up something I had missed in 2013. Someone I missed no longer appear in my memory? Congratulation to myself, I'm get through the sad period I had been wishing it.

Maybe now my mind was clearly set up for my coming dreams. 

1. I wish to pass my degree program with flying color. Thanks God - I had done it through Jesus who giving me wisdom and strength to make it happened. All As..... Claps....Praise Lord...

2. I wish to earn more money so that I can leave Malaysia soon. Although I'm not that rich still, but I had set up my mind that I could be leaving soon after my contract or I had done my degree program, neither. - For this I need to be pray..pray and pray....

3. I wish to have a small coffee/wine/beer house in future as I'm a coffee lover, wine lover as well as beer lover. The purpose of this house should be base on sharing and counseling to those who in needs in psychology. - I had a counseling basic certificate only that not enough for me to build this kind of house that could serve the people with kinds of needs. I need to be improve and strong in spiritually as I need to influence the people around me, but not get influence by people. 



4. I wish to get married if I could meet a right man that God's had chosen for me. That's I should pray hard so that I can have wisdom in choosing and loving this man that's I had chosen and be a good model for the young people around me. 


Recently I had quite upset with a church sister. Although I'm really disagree that she had finally getting divorce with her husband, but somehow I had accepted the things had happened and I had try my very best to stop it. I really feel disappointed to her, but I can't really give any comment as I'm still single and she will think that I'm not understand her situation and whatever I said was just a nonsense, there was no persuasiveness as I'm not having a good real experience and I can't be a good model for now. I really wish that my love story could be a testimony to glory God's name and be a good role model for the new generation. "no sex before marriage", "love one another with the love from God", "Pray for each other and let Jesus be the center in my new created family". 
Many of my friends asking that is that I'm getting high expectation on my right man? I'm wondering that... Actually I just want a man that could fills with God's loves and could love and take care of me. That's simple, and also was hard as it was subjective as how I could know that a mans was filling with God's love? I know that God will gives me the wisdom I need for getting a right man. 
I keeps mention about the right man but not a perfect / good man as there is no perfect or good man exist in this world, but right man was the one who can love you with who you are, accepted you as what you are, be with you with any circumcision that you faced and forgive you with any mistake that you had made. He is the right one. For now I'm training to be the right one for who I loved as well. God please lead me, :)


2014 is a good starting point........ to be a better women for Jesus. Fighting....^^

16122013

First blog of the months

There been a long time I didn't have times to writ my blog. 

I really miss the moment I could spend sometimes to think and reflect what I'm doing.

Actually I'm not that busy as what my friend think of. I still have times for catching up the Hong Kong movie I like - on call 36 (2) and my盛lady. With the time spending in the movie and sleeping, I found my life wasted as much as possible. Recently thinking of what my pastor faced and I did pray for him. I found that I'm lost touch with God for sometimes. I had missed some of my time for nothing instead of praying and caring. 

God, I want to back to life that in worship, reading God's word and love the people around me. 

Today, I rest my mind with some song by putting on my mp3 while I'm resting at the sofa. I'm napping with my mind on with ongoing new praise and worship song from hill song. One of the song impressed me was "back to life". When I listen to this song, I awake totally and get up to search for the lyric. The lyrics was as below 

Today actually I'm not planning to go for the special pastor kong hee service at chc Penang. Don't know why the cg leader - peter suddenly fb message me that tonight am I joining the service. I told myself that I'm not going to join the service as I'm embarrassing after the service that I brought too many of them visiting the church without informing their pastor. 

But tonight, I'm totally back to life and back to God once again. I enjoy the praise and worship, I enjoy the words time and the best was I'm enjoying the presence of God. 

I got take notes of the sermon. It was as below

I'm pointed, I'm anointed and I'm at the top of the mountain. God, thanks for not forsaken me when every time I'm nearly getting far from you. 

God, I know what's anointing for. I'm not going to waste my life for nothing. Anointing was given for an assignment. God, I know the assignment has been given, although previously I'm not clear the instruction that given for the assignment. But as the Holy Spirit was my facilitator that I could always connected with and ask for leading and wisdom to carry out the assignment that given by my coordinator (God-father). God, I'm now back to life again and I think I will work harder to be anointed for your purpose and shine in this worlds. Praise Lord. 

24112013

Today was the first time of my life get up so early for my assignment. 2am in the morning waked up by my two alarms set on the day before as I'm really scare that I couldn't finish my assignment on time. 

Washed my face, get a cold drink to wake me up totally for ASSIGNMENT!!! 

I'm regret that why I can't get to do it before that. I never want to have this again in my life. First and also last time in my life, I begged. This sleepy feeling was killing me. 

Around 4am something my mother awake and saw I'm awake for my homework, she get shocked as well but she really a good mother. She knew I'm hungry and she make a cup go milo for me and take some breads for me as well. I'm touched. 

I told myself, I should be more hardworking as for a return for my parent. God, Please bless me with your wisdom and strength. Thanks.

Finally, I still can't finish my assignment before I need to prepare to go church. As today I'm serving as keyboardist, I can't afford to be late once again as I had promised God and myself as well. 

After reach church I'm still worried about my clinical log. Thanks God, praise and worship practice end quite early, I'm continue with my assignment with using Angeline's PC at church. Five minutes before I stop doing it and have my breakfast. My mom served me with two half boiled egg. So warm, I love my parent so much. 

I told myself after this assignment, at night I want to accompany my mom for shopping and sent my dad for dinner as well. I want to accompany them as much as possible. Feel sorry to them as I'm not spending much time to accompany them on Sunday. 

After praise and worship, I continue my assignment while bro. Alan was preaching. I know that's was not right to do it, but I'm rushing for that. I'm sorry to him and my God. 

Although that was not right, but God still help me to make my assignment finished on time. Praise Lord. After service, I'm helping my cell group in washing the cups as this Sunday was my cell group serving due. 

After that, I'm lost, all of them busy and rushing for lunch as they got Christmas presentation practice and I got do nothing for Christmas. Haiz. Once again I feel I'm lost. 

While waiting my parent, I'm sitting at the office and starring on the monitors of Angeline's PC. 

I snapped this picture. 

I'm damn damn bored. Lazy to start on another assignment as I'm physically tired but mentally I'm empty. 

The first thing I did while reached home, eat than sleep. 

Ever ing, after ready myself I sent my dad for dinner at Penang and I accompany my mom for shopping. Actually my mom wish I can buy a shoe for working to protect my leg. 

Before shopping, we should get our dinner first. Since now was November, I get the sushi king member on the spot and dine in with my mom.

That's long time I'm not step in sushi king with my family. I miss my sister as well. ;)

Today I had spend RM 359 for my shoe. My mom wish to buy me this, but I insist to buy it myself. She knew I'm quite tight for this months, but i don't want my parents to buy me anything as I'm working adult, I'm not suppose to burden them and I suppose to feed them as return right? God, my another aim was earn as much as possible to buy them some thing that they need. 

22112013

Today actually I want to visit my friend's mother at general hospital. 

Quite pity her with what she has faced recently. But with the busy working hours has drags till the end of the visiting hours. She refuse to have dinner with us as she scare that we will treat her for dinner once again. Haiz... Actually I just want to give her a hug as a friend. 

I'm damn hungry actually, but my two other friends may wish to have some light dinner. 

So end up we have our light dinner at "Gloria Jeans coffee". Actually quite expansive place, I really wish to escape from that, but two of them was my BFF, since they we ware paying together, so I'm embarrassed to have the money back. God, please bless me.

They were not having spaghetti, I'm the one having dinner there. They just have drinks and pie only. Actually I'm quite tired, and I'm worried about my clinical log as the day after I could not have time to complete it. I want to go home. 

By the time I reached home, I'm exhausted. Can't even finished reading a sentence my eyes close itself. God, please give me time and wisdom to finish that.

21112013

Today is the day that my mum and I was off. Last night my BFF Wendy Tan came my house for assignment, but end up we had our quiz done, but we could not finish our clinical log on time. Was late midnight near 1am. We end the discussion as previously we had spent much time in chit chatting regarding the happening during working hours. 

Thanks God that blessed me with such BFF that could share my happiness and sadness together. Thanks God. 

Early morning, I'm damn lazy to wake for breakfast, but last night I had told my parent to accompany them for "yam cha"~ ing. I had promised, how badly I miss my bed I still could not lay on "him" again.

 

I like this picture so much. ... ;)