27102013

Today is the worse day I ever had. I'm late for my praise and worship practice. I feel wanna die while the first thing I awake and look at the clock is at 8.15am. 

My heart may need to stop at that moment. Omg....

While I'm rushing to go church, I'm really panic. My friend also panic on behalf of me. 

I'm stunning and don't know what to do at the first place. 

When I called stephanie, I can't get her. The next step I called wendy to tell her I'm gonna be late as I'm overslept. I'm really regret as last night I'm going to my friends farewell party for late night. I thought I can get my alarm and also my friend will wake me up as they are going to work in the early morning. But, it seem both never works well. I'm late......

Guilty +++ I'm crying like hell while having the holy communion. Pastor want us to pray for each other two by two. While wendy pray for me, I'm crying more worse, in that moment I really sorry to her, I can't even pray for her. 

When I left the stage, Angeline saw me. She give me a hug and I feel better and thanks to her. 

What a such day I have..... Bad memory and dream. 

21102013

Today when I watched the 非常完美 this programme, I heard the emotional guest 杨冰阳 told the girl who fail to get the hearts of the guy that she confess a statement. 

"女生要选那些喜欢你的人里面的最好的，而不是选你最喜欢的。只有这样你才能够获得一份安稳的幸福， 否则就算你获得了爱情，你也不一定能够获得婚姻。”

Actually is right too.... The emotional guest is really pretty and nice. I admire her....

Another guy I think he is attractive...

When he confess... Wow.... Attractive man...

19102013

AtToday is BLS day. My basic life support day. Haiz... I think I'm fail. Finally... But I did learn something. I think I'm able to pass my pals training than as I'm practicing while in this training. 

Today, basically I got some planning. I plan to have lunch with my colleague, but end up I need to buy my lunch -favor laksa with pasembur and for my parents as well... I'm damn hungry while driving back home.... Omg.... This feeling is really really bad... Like hungry ghost. 

Attending my cousin wedding at cititel hotel. First time my dad getting late cause of me. I wish to have a nap before go. 

Not bad for this wedding place.... Hihi... Yes. Western style... Do not have the singer from the floor is what I wish. Thanks God, my ear was feeling good. 

Finally the wedding was over. 

While waiting the dinner be over, I'm thinking of the programme "非常完美” again. 

She stated about the movie "那些年我们一起追过的女孩” . She mentioned about the main character 沈佳宜 told the guy that although we are same age, but most girl will be more mature than the guy. Although the relationship between will be very sweet, but the end of the story the girl also had choose to married another guy. That's the reason of it. Wow.... This statement impressed me. 

非常完美

This is my first time watch this programme. While doing night shift, all my colleague was discussing the people that joined the programme just I'm alone with no idea about this. I'm really outdated.

After that when reach home, I had downloaded many of it and waiting for some free time to have a quick look what is all about. 

Today I had start my first episode of the programme. I'm not really sure is that the first episode, but I enjoyed watching that with tears keep dropping. My first time feeling of heartbreak for the girl who confess her love to the guy but both been rejected by the guy. They are pretty, but get rejected as well... 

This girl really amazing, she dare confess in public. Thumbs up. Not every man can do that too. :)

I can feel the disappointment from this girl. Haiz... Hope her can let go... Love him, so must let him be with who he loved most, right? Hope the guy won't regret. :)

But I do proud of them as I'm really not dare to tell my love one that I love him. I'm really regret as i had miss the chance to confess and tell the truth feeling to someone I love. One thing I hope was for those I love, he could have a girl could love him and he loved her as well. I really wish that my loved guy was not forces to accept me as he hope not to hurt me.

Previously when I plan to study the counseling, I really hope I could have knowledge and good experience to help those in hurts standing up and enjoy a great future, but now I'm not healthy enough to counseling them. I didn't have a good example as what I am thinking. God, you fixed me please...

12102013

Today early morning I had done some crazy thing in my unit.

Jus thinking to do so.... I'm just like crazy... Party... That's me... Forever can't even change...

God, I promise I will take good care of my self, my body, my heart, my soul... Sometimes I really get confuse as I'm really not sure is that I'm missing the moment or the people. But I guess, I'm really regreted for what it been happened. So, for now onward, I hope I'm not doing anything that I would regret in my future.

Be what I should be, no matter how, God is with me. 

Caring, you are my everything. I know where is my stage, where is my profession, and which style I should carry on. 

Some people I do miss them, but I can't get to them anymore. 

I like this verse... Bent sadly... When I read at it... It bring down my mood... 

I just may leave it, pray and blessed them with all my heart and with what I can do to them in future to help and build them. This is what I pray God, I do not need to side by side with them, I can pray, I can help in a different way. God, you know my hearts, my feeling and my thought, you know me the best. I pray that God you will help me fix it right? Thanks God. 

Today I have take this picture early morning when I drive back. I like weather, hmm... Is that I'm depending on the weather? No. I like that as this is a part of God's creation. Weather is good or bad, God still make miracle happen right? Is just same with my life, whether I'm good or bad, God still can fix it and give me strength to overcome all this. God, I need you, I praise you.

When I reach I working place, I still having sometimes to rest. I read the daily devotion that I had downloaded when I'm lazy to continue the chapter from the bible. 

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. (Matthew 5:6 KJV)

God want us as a Christian to have sometimes spending with this poor people. Not just fill their soul with the words of God, by giving the hunger people some food, poor people some cloths and fulfil their need in their life. God, what can I do? 

God, please bless me with the wisdom and faith in you so that I can complete the mission that given from you in this world. I love you Lord. ❤️❤️❤️

11102013

Today actually I can have much time to rest... But don't know why, I insomnia once again... What happened to me? 

While driving to work... While singing praise and worship song, I think about the movie "good doctor". I really got back the passion. I'm asking myself, where is the stage that God has planned to me, I got the answer ready. I can be better, I should not always thinking of myself. Sometimes I do know that what I'm working hard for is not what God wants me to be. I should have know the purpose of God giving me this new life. Just for him... "Just be myself". 

Sometimes I'm thinking that which dress is suitable for me? Which style I suppose to be? I finally get the answer, "be who I mean for" 

Omg... Times flies... I need to back to my position soon, I hope I can be knowing what I'm trying hard for... God, give me wisdom that I should be having. Thanks God.

10102013

Early morning I can't even rest more than 7 Hours. An alarm from my mind been set as I'm telling myself I should be awake at 10am and before that I should spend sometimes for my beloved God. 

After singing praise and worship, I'm reading the words of god regarding the king Solomon that he consist the wisdom from God and the prosperity that given from God. He is a smart and rich king ever as mention in the bible. But the lesson I learned from him is to stay away from the thing that God hate the most. He married a wife that is Gentiles. His wife has bring the problem and influence the people to serve other God. God is the only God in this world, we shouldn't serve other God beside him. 

What can makes us really stand firm in our faith? 

As a Christian, should be a good worshiper, prayer, be obedience and be purity;

As a children, should be honor our parents;

As a worker, should be respect and obey your superior;

As a student, should be study hard... I should be... I suppose be.... God, please help to transform be to a better one. Thank you Lord.

Today after lunch, I found a nice view at the sky...

Wow... Really wish to have a trip to the sky....

I believe I can fly....

It make me desperate to go for my dream.... My dream is at the other corner of the other country....  Where is it? ? ?

Finally going to play badminton with them again. Omg... Just like getting drunk ... I'm really speechless...

Oh... Forget about taking wine with my dad... 

When reached home, my dad was prepared to go bed, I really miss my wine and beers...

Who can accompany me to get all this? Beer~ing alone again... 

I still remember that bro shin loon told me that we will not be a couple as he hate girl taking beers and get drunk like me. XD good... I should get someone who can accompany me to get drunk together and have fun... Omg... I'm drunk now.... 

A friend sent me a link regarding love...

 “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

Haiz... I also don't know what I can be? I just know for this moment... I'm protecting my heart... Just like been locked in a box with a key. God, the key is on you, if someone can get the key from you, it should be able to open my heart. That's it...

I hope I can gt drunk for this moment... Who can with me? Omg....

09102013

I really don't know why I could sleep such a long hours....

When awake it has been nearly 1pm... Omg... My assignment, my movie... Many thing waiting me to be done. Although this week I got plenty off day, but my pending stuff still can't be clear off. What happen to me? Omg. 

Last night when I going to gym, I reflect back the time I have been to the gym at gold master. The only motivation for me to go for gym is because of him.... His courage, his criticize...both positive and negative manner has been motivated me. 

I think I could miss the motivation for a long time. It just my past history... In my personal history, he existed. For now, no longer... I should move forward, thinking about to have some other motivation from others to continue my healthy life. For the while, I love gym, but I do not have enough time for me to spend on this. 

While watching this movie "被偷走的五年” I really feel sweet and lovely. if I could have someone real in my life I could spend with and I hope I can really really love him and sacrifice... Hmm... Can I make it? That's still a curious question in my hearts. XD 

Before I left home while going to the prayer meeting, I introduce this movie to my mom. She watch it and saying thumbs up for this movie. Wow... So great.

Today is the first day I back to the prayer meeting when I start on my degree studies... Although my written assignment still haven't finished, but I think I should be having enough time to finish it up on time. Praise Lord. 

In the prayer meeting, there is another preacher. He is our bro. Jing Ming. He share about the works of the Holy Spirit. The power of the Holy Spirit we shouldn't ignore or reject as it's a need in the spiritual growth in Christianity. 

This is the first prayer meeting that the Holy Spirit fill me with joy and in the moment I just wish to sing praise and worship my God. That's simple. He also mention that many of the Christian do come across a period that their spiritual life was upside down. But the only thing we can back to a healthy spiritual life is we pray, we worship and we ask the presence of the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with love, joy, peace and give us strength to overcome this situation. 

God, I thankful for everything that I have. As what I need, you had planned and prepareded for me. 

07102013

Last night whole night watching the movie "good doctor". Such a good movie that I can't even hold my tears until I should pause the movie and do some adjustment. The verse, the story line was impressed me. 

Although this movie was also having some scene that is involve the love story, but the love story scene also was my favorite part on it and I'm reflecting on what I have done. 

Sometimes I do feel that I was not as passion compare to the first six months I as a nursing aids. My patient = my friend??? One of my dream was a good and helpful nurse, but I have lost my passion to do so. Is that due to my busy working hours? My knowledge has changed my thinking? God, I found that I have lost... I'm not passion that I should be. I can be better for what I believe. 

In this movie, I think I really admire the main character, the doctor with infantile autism. He don't have the common sense, but he have a good and loving hearts that can treat all people equally good and love them as what God ask to do so. 

When I looking at the Facebook comment in the secret group, I really feel sad when I know one of my particular colleague has been boycott by the others. What can I do? I can sense the hurts feeling when I know that someone is boycotting me and I relate it to the movie of the autism doctor. He know that everyone is boycott him and he still treating them very well. Even in the end, some of them has change the perception because he can forgive and still love the other even he know that they dislike him as he is not smart enough and always bring trouble to them. 

I really thanks God that I'm not the stupid autism doctor as the movie, but I do hope I can learn from him as well that I could have more kind heart to love the people around me. 

I know what's my problem... I'm not keep my dream and try my very best to love. I'm very easily to give up and influence by the others. What I'm doing? Earning the favor of God? Or the people? 

I should know what's my very great purpose of God sending me here in this world.

I should praising God, worhispping him, pray for the others, love the others, share the love of God to the people who still don't have the chance to know about Jesus. So What's this days I'm doing? Keep hanging around without doing what's my "boss" asking me to do? My boss, what's the next task I should be complete? 

I'm really lost........... 

Another sad thing is the one I intro her about Jesus and pray with her has leaving God and pray to another God. Those day she need support, where am I? God, what I suppose to do? Many question mark in me.... I know you will slowly answer my question. Thanks God. 

03102013

Such a wonderful day for me to rest and do whatever I want. 

Funny thing is I still going to play badminton even I had bad experience after badminton. ~ whole body ache like hell....

My dad is following me... Omg, I know that he doesn't like to play badminton with traveling so far away some more he prefer to play with his "gang" of badminton lover. 

I'm wondering the reason he is following me to go play with the church member. My mum told me that he is worry about me. He told mum that the place that I play badminton is dark and dangerous so he was worried and hope can protected me. My mum told him that he shouldn't worries too much as I'm growing up and I can take care of myself. He say he understand, but before I have a boy friend to pick me up or have friends that could go with me together, he can't just leave me to go by myself as he still worried about me. Omg... I'm kidding with my mum by saying that I should get a boy friend simply in order to make my dad relieved. My mother laugh out loud and I continue to tell her that if I'm not going to get a boy friend soon than I should not be staying in Malaysia so that my dad can't tracking on me. Lolz....

After few sets of badminton match, I sit aside to have a rest. Shin loon told me that my dad had told him that to escort me to my car when I want to go back as he is planning not to come for the next time. Omg... He is so funny as asking me to do a rehearsal for today as my dad as told him. Lolz... Are they kidding me? I can protect myself and be independent okay.... I no need some kind of protection, I just need God, that's it. 

God, I pray that I can get a right "man" sooner as I wish my dad could be more relieve and stop worries about me. XD but another hand, I wish I can go on my dream without any barrier... Sound contradiction right? I also don't know what I am wishing actually. ;)